Tuesday, January 6, 2004:
01.09.04 (3:03 pm) [edit]
Hey Everyone,
Well today I didn't go to school, not because I was sick or anything, though. I wasn't even feeling bad really. I told Mama I was having stomach problems, though, and she came home during her lunch break to bitch at me about staying home, which pissed me off. I kept telling her to just leave and all she did was bitch, bitch, bitch. Sometimes I think that she's having more problems than me. And then when I got home from my best friend's house she still continually bitched at me for everything in the world. It didn't piss me off like it usually does, though. I think that I'm starting to or already have regained my amazing ability to be content with myself, like I don't get bored and have to be constantly entertained, and the little things bring me a slight more amount of pleasure and enjoyment, even maybe a little excitement. Yay! That mean's my paxil's working. I'm definately starting to see the brighter side of things, like how the sun lit up my bedroom today. It was so beautiful and made me in a much better mood than normal. I wish it looked like that everyday. Anyways, I'm still thinking alot about Brad. Mainly about little things, though, not as much about stuff this summer. Like how yesterday when I walked in history and his full attention was on me and my new blonde hair, yeah he laughed but I know he liked it. I caught him staring at me alot. Mainly because I'm constantly trying to catch glimpses of him out of the corner of my eye in 6th and in lunch. I'm also confused about what to do this weekend and my date with the guy I met at the club last week. I want to go and stuff, but I kinda don't, but we did have alot of fun at the club. But anyways, no major ups or downs today. If anything though, I'm getting better, not worse - which is a great thing!
Best Part of My Day: Enjoyed not being @ school and having the day to myself, and watching the new season of The Real World, which I love
Worst Part: Mama getting mad at me all day and just telling me to do stuff constantly tonite.
Rated from 1-10:
Overall Day: 7
Overall how I felt: 7
How I feel Now: 8
Well today I didn't go to school, not because I was sick or anything, though. I wasn't even feeling bad really. I told Mama I was having stomach problems, though, and she came home during her lunch break to bitch at me about staying home, which pissed me off. I kept telling her to just leave and all she did was bitch, bitch, bitch. Sometimes I think that she's having more problems than me. And then when I got home from my best friend's house she still continually bitched at me for everything in the world. It didn't piss me off like it usually does, though. I think that I'm starting to or already have regained my amazing ability to be content with myself, like I don't get bored and have to be constantly entertained, and the little things bring me a slight more amount of pleasure and enjoyment, even maybe a little excitement. Yay! That mean's my paxil's working. I'm definately starting to see the brighter side of things, like how the sun lit up my bedroom today. It was so beautiful and made me in a much better mood than normal. I wish it looked like that everyday. Anyways, I'm still thinking alot about Brad. Mainly about little things, though, not as much about stuff this summer. Like how yesterday when I walked in history and his full attention was on me and my new blonde hair, yeah he laughed but I know he liked it. I caught him staring at me alot. Mainly because I'm constantly trying to catch glimpses of him out of the corner of my eye in 6th and in lunch. I'm also confused about what to do this weekend and my date with the guy I met at the club last week. I want to go and stuff, but I kinda don't, but we did have alot of fun at the club. But anyways, no major ups or downs today. If anything though, I'm getting better, not worse - which is a great thing!
Best Part of My Day: Enjoyed not being @ school and having the day to myself, and watching the new season of The Real World, which I love
Worst Part: Mama getting mad at me all day and just telling me to do stuff constantly tonite.
Rated from 1-10:
Overall Day: 7
Overall how I felt: 7
How I feel Now: 8
I'm So Crazy!
01.03.04 (2:00 am) [edit]
(This is my first blog on tblog, all of my other blogs leading up to this one are posted at m-blog.com/sweetsassymolassy):
Ok, well I didn't do a whole lot tonight. I'm still on my Christmas break which I'm thoroughly enjoying, but I start back to school on Monday which I'm definately not looking forward to. The only thing that makes me ever so slightly excited about going back is the fact that I have so so many new clothes to show off and my hair is a differenct color (went from really dark auburn to dark blonde). Yeah, I've really been waiting for my Paxil to kick in over the holiday break, I think it may have ever so slightly, but It's hard to tell. I mean I'm not feeling horrible, actually I'm not even feeling bad, which is a huge step for me. But I'm still not to the point where I'm so happy and stuff that I have those gut laughs where I laugh so hard that I'm laying in floor crying and peeing on myself all at the same time. Ok, I was slightly exaggerating there, but I do miss that. Like I used to do that like atleast once a day. Yeah I'm usually a goofy girl, but a likeable one. Ok so anyways, tonight me and two of my friends went out to eat. It was pretty fun, we talked to this waitor and he was kinda cute, kinda country though which isn't my type, and he doesn't have that type of sense of humor that I like in guys. But he was 20, and he snuck us some jello shots which I'd never had before. We gave him our numbers and he said that tomorrow night after he got off that he could get us into this bar and get us some alcohol because he's friends with the owner. Awesome!! Yeah, it sounds like I'm your typical rebelious teen skank whore, but I swear I'm not. I'm actually the complete opposite of that. I don't know how I would describe me exactly, I really do like who I am though, like I have no hangups on myself personality-wise or physically other than the fact that I have extremely small breasts. . .breasts smeasts. Ok, this really sad, but there's a Real World marathon on MTV all weekend and you have no idea how much that excites me. I'm currently taping The Real World New Orleans because that's like my favorite season ever. But anyways, guess I'll go watch some of it before I go to bed, which shouldn't be to long. Oh and about that guy I met the other night at the club, I talked to him over the internet Wednesday night and we had a really great e-conversation and we even talked about meeting up really soon and doing something together. But then last night I got on and he imed me, and I replied, and all of the sudden his away message popped up and been on all last night and all day today and tonight. So, I don't know if he suddenly remembered he didn't like me or an emergency came up and he didn't have time to turn his computer off, who knows. But I'm goin now.
Peace Out ~Shana~
Ok, well I didn't do a whole lot tonight. I'm still on my Christmas break which I'm thoroughly enjoying, but I start back to school on Monday which I'm definately not looking forward to. The only thing that makes me ever so slightly excited about going back is the fact that I have so so many new clothes to show off and my hair is a differenct color (went from really dark auburn to dark blonde). Yeah, I've really been waiting for my Paxil to kick in over the holiday break, I think it may have ever so slightly, but It's hard to tell. I mean I'm not feeling horrible, actually I'm not even feeling bad, which is a huge step for me. But I'm still not to the point where I'm so happy and stuff that I have those gut laughs where I laugh so hard that I'm laying in floor crying and peeing on myself all at the same time. Ok, I was slightly exaggerating there, but I do miss that. Like I used to do that like atleast once a day. Yeah I'm usually a goofy girl, but a likeable one. Ok so anyways, tonight me and two of my friends went out to eat. It was pretty fun, we talked to this waitor and he was kinda cute, kinda country though which isn't my type, and he doesn't have that type of sense of humor that I like in guys. But he was 20, and he snuck us some jello shots which I'd never had before. We gave him our numbers and he said that tomorrow night after he got off that he could get us into this bar and get us some alcohol because he's friends with the owner. Awesome!! Yeah, it sounds like I'm your typical rebelious teen skank whore, but I swear I'm not. I'm actually the complete opposite of that. I don't know how I would describe me exactly, I really do like who I am though, like I have no hangups on myself personality-wise or physically other than the fact that I have extremely small breasts. . .breasts smeasts. Ok, this really sad, but there's a Real World marathon on MTV all weekend and you have no idea how much that excites me. I'm currently taping The Real World New Orleans because that's like my favorite season ever. But anyways, guess I'll go watch some of it before I go to bed, which shouldn't be to long. Oh and about that guy I met the other night at the club, I talked to him over the internet Wednesday night and we had a really great e-conversation and we even talked about meeting up really soon and doing something together. But then last night I got on and he imed me, and I replied, and all of the sudden his away message popped up and been on all last night and all day today and tonight. So, I don't know if he suddenly remembered he didn't like me or an emergency came up and he didn't have time to turn his computer off, who knows. But I'm goin now.
Peace Out ~Shana~
