All In The Suit That You Wear
06.29.05 (9:37 pm) [edit]
I haven't been what I consider 'happy' or 'myself' in almost two years now...I don't know if I'll ever be able to adjust to this altered version of myself...which I must say...isn't myself. I really am uncomfortable with the person I now take on each day. I wake up every day, see the same people as always, the same house I've lived in since a child...yet nothing is familiar. It is the most unsettling feeling there is...to know nothing has changed but you...so you must adjust because even you are unrecongnizable to yourself...I am only a shadow of theprson I once was...I loved that person. I miss 'me'. I was cool, oh-so-funny and likeable...I had it all. No one could understand what I am saying...and it pretty much just pisses me off when people think they can relate or say "I know exactly what you mean"..."I'm depressed too"...not the way I am. I have such an odd case. It's cost me friends, a relationship with a certain love of my life...it's crushing to me. I don't understand why I have suffered for the past two years...I'm sure there's a reason, though. I'm not necessarily depressed...just beyond confused and stressed...which makes me depressed in a way I suppose. I need a serious miracle.
