Soooo...
I'm pretty bored right now...have a lot on my mind, though, as usual. I need to move on...stop dwelling on things. It's become such an unconcious habit now, I do not know how to stop...might anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, and I was fired this week. I'm actually glad for the most part, I hated my insane boss and I also hated waitressing...why be miserable at a minimum wage job when they are a dime a dozen. I guess I should get to bed, I'm pretty sleepy despite my 2 hour nap this afternoon. I guess it's the alcohol and my medicine working together to make me drousy. I'm not complaining though.
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Today is my day off, I'm really happy about that...I don't wanna do anything at all today...my Mom brought to my attention yesterday that up until about 6 months ago, I had the life of a dog. Haha. It's true...I miss those days, I wasn't expected to do anything except clean my room on certain occasions. I spent the rest of my time daydreaming, laying around...watching tv...movies...listening to music...etc. Those were truly the days. I feel all adult-like now though, it's weird, because as a person I haven't changed that much since back then...but I lead a completely different life, not by choice ofcourse. I suppose everyone has to have an idea of what I'm talking about though, so I'll stop babbling about that. Also, there's this certain guy I can't get off my mind, he's been embedded there for a good 10 years too...since elementary school. I know that sounds insane, but apparently he's had the same situation from what he's told me. Anyway...we talked last week and hung out together for the first times in almost two years, and I realized he's the coolest person I know. I miss him and I really wish I could not think about him because I know numerous other girls feel the same as me, maybe not for as extended of a time period, but the feelings are there. I hate liking someone so wanted...I guess that's a sign though of what a great person he is...b/c there's gotta be a reason he's so wanted...it makes it more exciting that way too. I don't want any kinda relationship with him, I just wish I could stop thinking about him. I'm going to really focus my life on myself this week, self-therapute, if you will. I need to do that desperately, because life's hard for everyone, but most don't take time to work things out, I'm going to do that this week, before school starts, so I can start college on a good, brand-new foot. Yay!
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It's Saturday night and I feel weird...so hard to explain. My boyfriend and I just broke up Wednesday I believe it was...I just had to end things because I realized after four months that we have nothing in common and are two completely different people. Another guy has awoken me to my true self...a self that had been lost for so long. I'm slowly trying to rebuild myself, I've just, as most have so I'm not trying to be a complainer, but I just have had major, major life complications for the past few years. I'm seriously trying to change to see ''the light'', though. I figured it's gotta be better than being a downer all the time about stuff, just because nothing goes my way it seems, but maybe things will go my way if I just look at them differently or go about life in a different manner. Oh well.
I start college August 29th...I'm pretty, actually extremely nervous about that. I don't know how one goes about preparing oneself for that kinda thing...I don't really have any friends to lean on the first day so I'll have to try to let go of my anxiety and shyness for a few days and try to make new ones. That should be fun.
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