Realization
02.04.06 (1:37 pm) [edit]
I hate people, but even moreso, I hate Myself :(
Not SO Fucking Simple
02.04.06 (3:57 am) [edit]
I hate not being able to sleep...I wish there was another cool person to hang with who also was an insomniac and enjoyed spontanteous early-morning outings...like me! In other news...I found out something tonight that to say the least, shocked me. I can't say on here, but man...CCHS c/o '05...what the hell? Today was one of extreme unproductivity, though I did discover what I possibly want to major in when I go back to college...that being Computer Information Systems. Oh & ...not being in college, your friends being in college, & being unemployed sucks, majorly. I'm working on some of these situations, though. Trying to anyway. Shit always gets in the way. Life situations. Everyone could say the same I know, but mine are always major or so it seems. Maybe I just make them into something they don't have to be. I'm not a lemon-maker, though. I'm a natural pessimist, or realist anyway. And I've pretty much accepted this. I REALLY need like a getaway of some sort, though. If you're my friend next time you see me, give me a fucking hug...I could use it now more than ever. I take everything too seriously and it takes it's toll on me eventually. I'm emotionally stable & everything, but like...i mean a physical toll. My head hurts a lot, I get nervous easily and way too often...and I'm only 19. One would think these are pretty easy years. I knew the time would come, though. I remember laying in my bed one night about the age of 14 or 15...and thinking, I should really not take these years for granted because this irresponsibility & not having to make major life decisions and do things on your own will be over in no time. I'm glad atleast I realized how great it was. I think I'm just having a hard time adjusting to change, which is also my nature. I like stability, and anything to shake my little world totally causes me to stress out way more than the average person. Ughh...I'm too nostalgiac, I know this. I've got to focus on how great the future could be as opposed to how great the past has been. Because that can only get me nowhere. Has anyone noticed by this point that I'm also overanalytical? I hate that, too. I'm working on being more of a laid-back, go-with-the-flow type person, which I totally used to be for any of you who've known me for 3 years or more. Ahh...anyway, enough of the self-evaluation for one night.
