Where do you move when what you're moving from is yourself?

I started a new job March the sixteenth. It's an office job. I like it. It's more me. Structure. Organization. I like it. I spent way too much money this weekend. I'm really, really kicking myself for that. I have to tell myself I deserved to, though. I just can't spend anymore for a good while. The way it should be. I wouldn't enjoy big splurges if I spent money all of the time. I'm feeling lost again. I know it's part of growing up and "finding yourself." I know all of this by now. I know there will be points in my life when I feel I have complete control, and other times I will feel as if my body and head are detached. That's okay. I want to feel it all. I want to feel pain, because when things are good, I can appreciate that feeling so much more. Who would want to live a life without pain? You wouldn't know things were good. It might not be bad...you wouldn't know. When things are good now, it feels amazing. When there is only an hour out of an entire week when my mind is completely at ease and there are no chemicals in my body, I know my life is good.